I wish I could punch you in the face.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
