how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
