Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
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