i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
