ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
