I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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