Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He keeps bees of course he's weird
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
