awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
