On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
