How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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