clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
