I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
