tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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