Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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