Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize