i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
