i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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