3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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