Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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