I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
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