R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
