you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
