why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Randomize
