i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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