He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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