we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
