I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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