we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
