I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
