Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
