Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
