In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
