I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
