I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
