Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
