There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
