Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
