whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
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i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
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at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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