I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
