The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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