just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.