and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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