My room smells like vodka and shame
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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