Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(402): View more from Nebraska

Houston.. we have a drinking problem..

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(402): Houston.. we have a drinking problem.. http://tfl.nu/fbwf

Replies (5) Good night (1327) Bad night (597)
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(775): View more from Nevada

Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.

(1-775): View more from Nevada

What!?!?! How are you txting?!

(775): View more from Nevada

Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.

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(775): Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you. (1-775): What!?!?! How are you txting?! (775): Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend. http://tfl.nu/1ioc

Replies (55) Good night (1271) Bad night (3221)
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(650): View more from California

So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.

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(650): So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony. http://tfl.nu/uxe7

Replies (8) Good night (3093) Bad night (560)
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(609): View more from New Jersey

how was your night?

(212): View more from New York

well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?

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(609): how was your night? (212): well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was? http://tfl.nu/mtku

Replies (24) Good night (1325) Bad night (4195)
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(480): View more from Arizona

There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.

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(480): There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks. http://tfl.nu/b0f1

Replies (4) Good night (828) Bad night (2953)
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(315): View more from New York

He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.

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(315): He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits. http://tfl.nu/w5h8

Replies (7) Good night (3385) Bad night (891)
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.

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(978): He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment. http://tfl.nu/fwul

Replies (12) Good night (2675) Bad night (1222)
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.

(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.

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(412): He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to. (412): Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali. http://tfl.nu/ulfo

Replies (9) Good night (2326) Bad night (777)
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(515): View more from Iowa

He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.

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(515): He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend. http://tfl.nu/m6dn

Replies (10) Good night (2996) Bad night (796)
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(213): View more from California

Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20

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(213): Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20 http://tfl.nu/udx8

Replies (8) Good night (1342) Bad night (538)
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(562): View more from California

There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.

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(562): There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph. http://tfl.nu/ubbg

Replies (6) Good night (1101) Bad night (395)
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(404): View more from Georgia

New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.

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(404): New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold. http://tfl.nu/ite7

Replies (3) Good night (709) Bad night (323)
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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style

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(603): I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style http://tfl.nu/6hvg

Replies (1) Good night (422) Bad night (303)
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(517): View more from Michigan

Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace

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(517): Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace http://tfl.nu/a78f

Replies (1) Good night (635) Bad night (206)
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(510): View more from California

But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.

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(510): But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming. http://tfl.nu/5mbe

Replies (2) Good night (1052) Bad night (165)

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