just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
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He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
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I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.