Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......

  (817): View more from Texas

  told ya

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  (214): apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back...... (817): told ya http://tfl.nu/csea
  Replies (13) Good night (2702) Bad night (715)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.

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  (586): Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that. http://tfl.nu/5bcj
  Replies (14) Good night (4912) Bad night (2233)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?

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  (817): how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut? http://tfl.nu/0rrw
  Replies (39) Good night (8437) Bad night (1116)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"

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  (208): She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!" http://tfl.nu/qjvm
  Replies (41) Good night (2936) Bad night (9608)
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight

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  (419): if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight http://tfl.nu/1a1e
  Replies (11) Good night (3820) Bad night (935)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  You can't have your penis and eat it, too.

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  (716): You can't have your penis and eat it, too. http://tfl.nu/3eoi
  Replies (14) Good night (2441) Bad night (1203)
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday

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  (307): Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday http://tfl.nu/9dt4
  Replies (14) Good night (4352) Bad night (1103)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do

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  (716): you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do http://tfl.nu/chus
  Replies (13) Good night (2479) Bad night (927)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog

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  (202): just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog http://tfl.nu/w6qp
  Replies (4) Good night (3424) Bad night (1001)
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.

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  (509): I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore. http://tfl.nu/24ew
  Replies (10) Good night (1094) Bad night (2174)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.

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  (773): No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape. http://tfl.nu/zpzm
  Replies (6) Good night (2856) Bad night (651)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.

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  (805): I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up. http://tfl.nu/2z9h
  Replies (10) Good night (1959) Bad night (715)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.

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  (360): someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me. http://tfl.nu/y65y
  Replies (1) Good night (332) Bad night (509)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out

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  (770): I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out http://tfl.nu/sd3d
  Replies (0) Good night (448) Bad night (282)
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  my vagina doesn't wear a watch

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  (774): Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak (603): my vagina doesn't wear a watch http://tfl.nu/ym75
  Replies (6) Good night (1180) Bad night (313)

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