Texts From Last Night

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  (917): View more from New York City

  she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.

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  (917): she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could. http://tfl.nu/cj4q
  Replies (74) Good night (3861) Bad night (17960)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)

  (1-410): View more from Maryland

  stop writing like that.

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  (410): hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;) (1-410): stop writing like that. http://tfl.nu/yu8k
  Replies (25) Good night (6718) Bad night (1232)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.

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  (704): First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka. http://tfl.nu/gxhu
  Replies (16) Good night (4882) Bad night (911)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me

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  (512): it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me http://tfl.nu/0mob
  Replies (9) Good night (991) Bad night (2957)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me

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  (913): the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me http://tfl.nu/ze1e
  Replies (17) Good night (4148) Bad night (1186)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.

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  (812): I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is. http://tfl.nu/2rnr
  Replies (11) Good night (1432) Bad night (4652)
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window

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  (775): Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window http://tfl.nu/dk3n
  Replies (10) Good night (1900) Bad night (863)
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  (858): View more from California

  I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha

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  (858): I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha http://tfl.nu/4cqn
  Replies (4) Good night (1663) Bad night (881)
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.

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  (765): I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night. http://tfl.nu/jw9u
  Replies (17) Good night (792) Bad night (4169)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.

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  (201): I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay. http://tfl.nu/g3mb
  Replies (1) Good night (1485) Bad night (710)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Those memories are both hazy and awesome.

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  (802): Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom? (401): Those memories are both hazy and awesome. http://tfl.nu/ars0
  Replies (6) Good night (1860) Bad night (517)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?

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  (908): do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"? http://tfl.nu/vbms
  Replies (3) Good night (781) Bad night (321)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...

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  (303): Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching... http://tfl.nu/8tua
  Replies (4) Good night (325) Bad night (580)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer

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  (724): She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer http://tfl.nu/pgrt
  Replies (3) Good night (187) Bad night (815)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp

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  (860): It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp http://tfl.nu/5iy1
  Replies (3) Good night (202) Bad night (290)

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