Fine. I'll sleep in my office
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?