he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?