some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.