you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
