Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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