Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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