Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
