We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
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