Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
