TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
