I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
