We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
mondays should just be called national damage control day
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
