my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
