I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
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He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
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How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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