we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
