I want to have your abortion
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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