My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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