sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
