Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
