Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
