Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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