If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
