I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
