Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
