I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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