now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
