singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
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I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
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You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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