so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
