I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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