Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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