i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
