He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
