just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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