my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Let the clothes fall where they may.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
