the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
