paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Randomize
