I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
FUCK WHALES
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
