Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just gargled with NyQuil
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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