So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
